Okay this post won’t be as epic as the last one I swear. So here I am a week into recovery and I must say doing alright. Especially now that I have time to write and get a minute to myself (being a full-time stay at home mom I wasn’t getting much alone time). I am sure in a couple of weeks Dan will need a much deserved break for his mental health as well. Ramona is very easy to care for, but she is a baby, and well it is a whole different mindset and set of skills to learn.
So on Sept. 17th 2009 I was discharged and wheeled down to the car we call Migaloo (Aborignal word meaning white), a ford hatchback that Dan’s grandfather used to own. Basically we had to put the front seat as far back as it could go and Ramona’s car seat was behind it. The orderly held my leg while I tried to wiggle and maneuver my leg into the car without using my muscles. It was painful, I was scared my leg would snap off, and after a few tries it was just not working. The car was way to small, everyone outside the hospital was putting their 2 cents in, and I was freakin’ out and full on crying. So was Ramona. So humiliating. I couldn’t even swing my leg into a car to go home and I was holding up an ambulance and Ramona was upset and I just felt like a big ole failure.
Luckily we got the Camry, Bluey Sparklepants. Dan’s mom, Kate, was at our house and able to bring it to us. It was just going to take an hour. They asked if I wanted to go back to the ward and I was like NO WAY! I can’t go back there! So I was wheeled into the parents room to get it together. I broke down again. I missed my friends, I was supposed to leave today on a plane to see familiar faces. My knee was not working and wouldn’t work for months and I had a young baby I could not look after. Oh, and the drugs were hittin’ hard.
Finally got home, depressed, tired, and just sat on the couch watching bad Australian TV until bedtime.
Next day, after a bit of a cry, I needed a shower. The drugs were making me wake up in a full sweat. I could not physically/mentally get into the shower because I was certain I would slip, so Dan gave me a freakin’ sponge bath! We laughed hysterically, bonding over all this insanity. In sickness and in health people, in sickness and in health….and then he washed my hair. Which I have to say was the nicest thing a partner can ever do for you. I finally felt relaxed and refreshed. Rachael said the color was finally back in my face because yesterday I was looking a bit grey.
So here I am getting better everyday and almost off the drugs! Dan is the best person ever and my friends and family here and abroad have been sending well wishes all week. I finally have a feeling that everything will work out fine. My buddy Juli-anne is coming in October to be with me and help us out which is soo appreciated and Dan will be able to get back to applying for school. We are also planning a nice trip to NYC, DC, and Florida with the whole family in a few months-we can use my old ticket towards another purchase so not too bad of a loss. Kate was really helpful this past week and Dan’s sister Phoebe my come down as well. And Rachael is really sweet with Ramona. We are so happy to have a baby that can be handled by a bunch of different people.
It will take a long time to recover but I won’t miss the whole summer. So as soon as I am mobile again we are all taking Ramona on her first swimming lessons-cuuute!
For some reason this has made me feel like there is more of a community here then I realized…
FYI: Ramona is so gonna be walking around before I even get off these damn crutches.
I think this is what the end of days looks like. Seriously what is up with OZ? It just gets stranger and stranger down here. The same day there was golf-sized hail and two earthquakes in different parts of the country.
The dust has lifted but the trees are blowin’ in the gale force winds. It is a pretty freaky feeling. I can feel it in my knees (haha).
Check out these photos and this story and then you will understand what I am talkin’ about.
I am learning a whole lot about public health care over here. It is not like I am doing some down and dirty undercover investigating, I am actually living it because last Sunday 9/13/09, or if you are from Oz 13/09/09, I broke my kneecap in at least three different places. I wish I had the x-ray for you all, maybe when I start my physio therapy, I can ask the doctor and snap a picture of it. I don’t want to look at it at the time of the incident because I got this thing about bones breaking and knitting back together-saw a picture in a science book once in high school and seriously it disturbed me. Can’t get the image out of my mind and now I must visualize it so it will heal faster (I mean that’s what Oprah says).
It is such bad timing, because a few days later I was supposed to go to NYC to see my two best friends get married in two separate weddings, not to each other…so it was a big deal to miss that. It is also a long trip. Dan was gonna stay home to work and Ramona and I were going to go on our first International plane ride, alone. And I was nervous about it, but really looking forward to going back to NYC for three weeks and seeing family and friends after being here for 4 1/2 months. I even asked Dan, “If people ask me how I like Australia can I say I am not that into it?” and he was like sure, because it’s true.
Yes I have been a bit depressed in Oz. I mean there are great things, the weather is getting nicer, HEALTH CARE, the ocean views, gorgeous flowers/bush, beautiful tree house to live in RENT FREE, our cat Sparrow, happy bub, etc… but we are living in the ‘burbs in a VERY conservative neighborhood too. This is an ad in the local North Shore paper, my new ‘hood. need I say more?
I can’t even find the words to describe it people, not-one-word.
Motherhood can be very isolating on it’s own despite being in a new place. At first I had no car to drive, and then when we got one, it broke down. But I did get it back before my accident which was nice for the fleeting moment when I was mobile. The break is on my right leg so no more ‘crusin’ in Bluey Sparklepaints for me (Kate, Dan’s mom, drove it down 12hrs from Brisbane so I could have it)! And this winter we had the flu three times!!! And it was cold and rainy and wow that electric bill! And of course missing my support system. I know I know poor me…
I always thought of myself as a lucky person until now…guess the luck ran out. Mercury is in retrograde people Sept. 15-23. Sept. 17th being the worst of it (and it was, but more on that later..) But there are good things too. Dan and Ramona are safe. I was lucky enough to not be holding her when I fell. And speaking of Ramona, she is growing up so fast! She just turned 8mths and is clapping, saying dada, talking alot, crawling, lifting herself to stand, playing ball-seriously she throws it back to you, and just being all around the best baby ever! And Dan has really been the best Dad and husband EVER. He is really good at caring for her which is making me think I should go out and get the full-time job. Things that make you go hmmm…
I mean in NYC we have a sweet little apartment, but we recently had lots of unexpected expenses to deal with as well. We had to redo our kitchen from Oz because the oven door fell on our tenant while it was 400 degrees Fahrenheit that’s 204 Celsius ! And then the counter had to be ripped up and tiles redone because our new stove would not fit. So I renovated my kitchen from overseas. Luckily they did not sue us!
Before:
After:
I am not saying we had it all golden over there either. Dan would have had to work non-stop and could not even think of going to school and I would have had to put Ramona in daycare much earlier and go back to work to pay off school loans and get family health care. And what would I be getting a job doing? I don’t know. The recession hit NYC a bit harder then here. Also my friends would be working during the day so they could not hang with me and Ramona anyway,but they would be there, on call, if needed. And it is familiar.
So I can’t get it out of my head. Was I too negative lately about being here? Did this happen because I don’t believe in THE SECRET? You know the book written by an AUSTRALIAN that has all the middle-class women in Oprah’s viewing audience saying positive mantras and believing in the laws of attraction? Check out the intro video for THE SECRET it is seriously beyond anything you can imagine and I should be turned into a MUSICAL!
I think this is coming about because when I was in hospital I saw an Oprah episode about vision boards and visualizing the life you want. Did I make this happen to me?
I know, I am so lame, but I am also on oxycodone so I have an excuse. I am not myself and I don’t think I have been for months. It was really hard to move away from everything that was comfortable to somewhere so similar in many ways but different, and so far away! Also with a three month old and no jobs-what were we thinking? Things were looking up Dan just got FULL-TIME WORK this month UNTIL I broke my kneecap. Then he had to quit his job to be me and Ramona’s full time carer. And yes we are lucky it happened here, since my medical bills will be close to zero, and we can get assistance for the job loss. I mean we are really working the social services up in here! But when are we going to be able to “stand on our own two feet” so to speak (obviously not for awhile for me!).
I am aware that going to NYC and coming back after seeing everyone was going to be hard. Maybe there is a reason why I need to stay here for now. Oh why do I always need to find meaning in all this?
Well the night of the accident I was finally going out for the FIRST TIME without Dan or Ramona. I met a lovely person that just moved back from being in LA for seven years on the train. She misses fish tacos and even wrote up a business plan for a taco stand (just like us!), and has two kids, and lives in the neighborhood next to ours. And get this people her husband is from TRENTON, NJ and has a blog about living in Australia at http://expatsinoz.blogspot.com. You gots to check it out because he touches on some things I observed as well and he loves TURKEY BACON and anyone who knows me, knows, I got a thing for turkey bacon.
So, hello? How lucky could I be? Well, we were just starting our evening, just walking down the street to have a drink before the movie and BAM, I fell, just slipped in these flat slippery shoes I never wear because well they are slippery! And I came down HARD on my kneecap. Wish the story was more exciting, like I had a hit on me from the old country (old country meaning Jersey) but this is how it happened people. Just like that. One day you are miserable about living in Oz, next you feel a bit better because you met a new friend and going to NYC, and then the next minute you are on the sidewalk and a drunk from the local pub is TOUCHING your knee saying “It’s not broken, you would be in a lot of pain if it was” ahh thanks random lady who is not a nurse/doctor…now stop touchin’ my knee!
Anyway, my friend was great and I seriously was not in too much pain-because after surgery I found out what pain really was! We got an ambulance. And everyone asked if it was okay to cut off my jeans. You see jeans here are like a gazillion times more than what you pay in the states. I have seen a pair of LEE jeans, yes LEE jeans for $200 AUD! Whaat? And whaat? and of course I was going to NYC to buy clothes and get more jeans…but I was like “yeah cut my black LEVI’S ’cause I can get more people, I am from the United States of America!!!”
At the ER, a nurse took one look and was like “it is so broken”. He pointed out that my kneecap had traveled up a bit-thanks for pointing that out! GR-OOO-SS! He said that all the ladies working the ER wanted someone to break a bone tonite because the orthopedic surgeon is hot. AHHH thanks for collectively visualizing ladies because you have been watching Oprah and THE SECRET-because here I am! Then I was wheeled into x-ray.
Didn’t have to wait too long until someone told me it was broken and the surgeon would see me soon. He came, not my type of hot, like was I expecting Johnny Depp or something? Yes, yes, I was. He was more like a ken doll. He was nice though and told me it was broken in at least three different places and there would have to be surgery and in 20 yrs I would have arthritis but otherwise be fine. Also I was not allowed to eat or drink because they did not know when surgery would be. The thing is I am breastfeeding and a breastfeeding mama needs to be hydrated and worry about what drugs she is taking. So we talked about it and I got my liquids through a drip. Dan came in I snuggled with Ramona and we sort of laughed about it all.
Next morning more doctors came around and the the main dude told me. “It is a bit of a mess down there and if we can’t save the pieces we will just take out the kneecap so you can have more flexibility.” And I was like huh? Is this what you do in public health care? I mean I am not reading any medical journals over here so is this kneecap removal real? I was really hoping it wasn’t. More flexibility? But what would it look like? I asked if they were the top professionals in their field. He sort of smiled and shook his head and left. Oh American humor!
That afternoon I was moved from ER into the public side of the hospital to the Orthopedic ward. With private health care you get your own room. In the States with healthcare you share a room. To get a private room you pay on top of what you already shell out a month. So in the States my health care was about $556 a month for me as an individual through COBRA and about $20 per office visit. When I gave birth and got a private room it was $500 a night on top of all that. Here you see a GP, it is about $60 a visit whether you have medicare or private health care. But for a family of three private health care is about $200 AUD a month at the most-top of the line type of care. With medicare we pay close to nothing, nada, I will scan the bill if and when I get one. Notice the difference?
So I had three other woman in my room. Average age 85. At least I had a view. All night long I heard a guy from down the hall yelling, “HELP” over and over and a woman in my room asking for a bedpan not knowing if they took it out or she needed it. She was a bit confused. It was a busy place and the night nurses had it the worst. Not enough people to cover. I know this because I had to use a bedpan, which is pretty humiliating enough as is, but then the nurse didn’t come back for over 20min! It was a very low point in my recovery…
I did not get into surgery until two days after the accident. They scheduled me for midnight the night before, but canceled. Which was probably a good thing. I mean who wants a tired doctor trying to put together your mess of a knee anyway? But then again I had only the IV to keep me standing and my blood sugar was low, dehydration was setting in and I was feeling like an animal caught in a trap about to eat there own leg off to survive. When they canceled I got four hours to stuff my face. It was not a pretty sight to be behold.
All the while Dan would come in each morning with Ramona, I would breastfed, we’d hang and overhear social workers telling patients they needed to go into a home because their kids wouldn’t visit. You know the routine depressing hospital stuff. FYI: Children, take care of your parents when they get old OR make sure you have a plan in place if something happens.
By early afternoon the next day I get called down to “Theatre”. That is what the operating room is called here. I was like “Make-up!”. So I go down, meet some nice anesthesiologists and get put under. I wake up a couple hours later in recovery with a sore knee. I feel okay until midnight when the local wears off and I feel the FULL ON pain of what it is like to bust your kneecap. There were tears, and morphine, and tears, and sweating and little old ladies coming into my room and telling me I was in their bed. I wasn’t even hallucinating that last bit. This little old lady really did keep coming in and almost tried to get into bed with me…and I thought I was out of it!
The next day more pain, more morphine, friends visiting, breast pumping, Dan’s mom helping out, and did I say more pain? I did go through labor for 12hrs with no pain killers and people THIS IS WORSE. At this point I still had no idea if I had a kneecap.
On Sept. 17th 2009, The doctors came around and said they were happy with the surgery and were able to piece together the knee with wire. Yeah kneecap saved! He said the little bits they found, they just threw away. Yeah right I am sure there are growing a human from it! Anyways, GR-OOO-SS!! So, they told me I would be in this brace with my leg straight for two weeks, then physical therapy to bend my knee, a new brace for another four weeks and then more therapy. I will be all healed about in about three months total. And then I was discharged.
It is now time to pop some more pills so I’ll continue this later.
NEXT POST: How I got into the car to go home or how I broke down in tears in front of everyone at the hospital because I couldn’t get into the car.
Watching TV and a newsreader came on and said, ” The shocking statistics that show Australia is headed for a Dementia Epidemic”. (pause) huh? I have to process this doozy, more thoughts on this later…
We just got our heating bill and boy it was a doozy! It caused me to exclaim, “I am never using electricity again!” but how will I update my blog rubbing two sticks together? Ahh ever heard of bush fires? So instead I turned the computer back on.
So here we are blasting the heaters all winter and supposedly it was the warmest winter ever for Australia. Well I was cold godamnit! And I swear Ramona’s feet were turning blue, so I have no idea what these “experts” are talking about.
And they say we have had low rainfall? Maybe headed for another drought? What about when we moved here and it rained for the first two months non-stop? Are these scientists calling me a liar?
Well, I am sure we contributed to this in some way (with our love of everything electrical) and to think I was co-founder of my high school’s environmental club! For shame!
